Umm Yumm ([info]sa5) wrote,
@ 2009-06-29 09:59:00
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Unsuitable for marriage (непригоден для брака)
Some time ago, having a soul-searching conversation with an old friend, I was accused of being incapable of love. This was based on my comment, that the only person to whom I could have attributed that sort of feeling, was "unsuitable for marriage", so I knew I had to marry someone else. I view this feature as a sort of permanent impairment, comparable to some mild physical defect, like being short sighted. I was told, if I could think that way, my feelings weren't particularly deep. Would you agree with this?

And just to clarify, the previous question about being friends, that was also purely hypothetical. Rather, I was thinking of how I would react to being told something like that, and wanted to check if my reaction was adequate. Thanks to those who responded.

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[info]li_si_wei
2009-06-29 01:27 pm UTC (link)
to be honest, i doubt anyone can tell u that u dont possess an ability to love, since no matter how well ur friend knows u, only u can really know what u feel.
On top of that, if u know that u wouldnt be happy with someone in the future, coz they're not suitable for marriage, then what's the point of torturing urself and going through with it anyway? I'm pretty certain one can love even if they don't see themselves together as a married couple, or sometimes together at all.

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Unsuitable for marriage (непригоден для брака)
[info]sa5
2009-06-29 06:54 pm UTC (link)
it was ok for him to say that as I was accusing him of the same fault for cheating on his wife.
what he was saying, though, is that if you love a person, you lose the capacity to rationally judge them. I think this is silly.
i don't quite understand your last point, though: how can you not want to be together at all with someone you are fond of?

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Re: Unsuitable for marriage (непригоден для брака)
(Anonymous)
2009-06-29 09:39 pm UTC (link)
Сюзи я слабак в английском мне надо учить всё с азов...хотя я понял о чём речь,но трудно судить или правильнее рассуждать,не имея понятия,о ком...но осмелюсь выразить сомнение,а не лицемерит ли этот тип,говоря о любви.сложно всё это. p.s.передай огромный респект маме for interludes

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Re: Unsuitable for marriage (непригоден для брака)
[info]li_si_wei
2009-06-30 04:41 am UTC (link)
i agree that it is silly. Some people can't rationally judge anyone at all, surely it doesnt mean they love everyone )))

about my last point: it just happens that i loved someone back in Moscow, really deeply too. I've spent 6 years chasing her and trying to persuade her to move with me (first to UK, then to Singapore, finally mainland China). She spent all that time trying to persuade me to move back to Moscow. I've tried, but failed miserably. I just couldn't live there anymore, same as she was unhappy living outside Russia. And here I'm in Beijing, she is in Moscow, and although id love to be together with her, its for the best that we go our separate ways

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Re: Unsuitable for marriage (непригоден для брака)
[info]sa5
2009-06-30 08:25 am UTC (link)
The problem of being apart, with me studying in UK, was an added complication in my case too. I would dare say, where you live is more important than with whom you live.
How's Beijing?

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[info]mikeorl
2009-06-29 10:20 pm UTC (link)
I think most people cannot judge this, as they have never actually experienced love.
They can read about it, or view movies. Same as watching a movie about someone extremely rich and living a totally different life.

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[info]nefedor
2009-06-30 06:43 am UTC (link)
As I see this:
1)I doubt there is such a person on Earth who is incapable of love.
2)There is no "minimum depth of love feelings". In love there are no minimums and maximums, capabilities and incapabilities. It's all relative, ever growing, changing and evolving.
3)Love is something everyone study starting from a complete zero.

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